When you have something that disturbs you, you get preoccupied.

And when you get too worried or preoccupied, you usually don’t hear too much from another.

You can be talking with someone and you hear them, but you can’t take them in because you are dwelling, distracted, or hurting too much. It gets hard for us to allow other things to enter our mind because we are so in our own stress, anxiety, and worry.

We are all like this and its to be expected, but if we don’t address our stresses, and they get too intense, and we detach further from others, we can get consumed with ourselves. The good, the bad. The right, the wrong. We then isolate even more with our worry and things get worse.

Not sure why parts of your character hold you back in your work? For Stress Counseling, Tom Kearns, LMSW of Kearns Group New York City helps individuals study the gap between goals and their achievement. Through a contextual counseling we reveal the stress that gets in the way and design strategies to better reach their achievement. Conveniently located in Greenwich Village near Union Square.

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So how can a person adapt?

It is in talking through the stresses that is key.

It lightens the load, makes us less extreme, and helps alleviate our tightness, rigidity, or anxiety.

You don’t have to find the elusive answer, its more a matter of talking about your struggle that is the balm. Bring it down to the concrete. Ask if this is worth that. Sift through the challenges, and work through the thing.

Because if the symptoms abate, and we are not as disturbed, we can breath a little easier.

So call your therapist, talk through your two sides with another, air out your dilemma with a friend, and then decide. You’ll feel less stress, lessen your burden, and have a better chance of connecting if you do.